If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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