if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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