you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
