I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
