I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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