I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
