Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
