do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
