jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
