she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
