Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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