Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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