GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You don't make any sense
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