plz talk dirty to me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
