if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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