let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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