ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
