My brain says no but my pants say off.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
