you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
