I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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