Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
