my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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