dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
