So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
