I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
