Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
