sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize