im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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