Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I AM VODKA MAN
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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