when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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