He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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