Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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