I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
