I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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