my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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