tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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