Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
