dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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