Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
