I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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