i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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