Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ladies don't puke and tell
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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