So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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