god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
