Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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