There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
