I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh god it's open bar.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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