Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
