i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
