im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
