There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
