hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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