I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
