Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
