Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
