My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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