Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
