drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
