Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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