Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
