This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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