remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize