Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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