I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
