I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
