look no pants
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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