I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
