Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
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My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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