god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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