I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
barbara walters just said penis...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize