As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
BRING THE BAGELS
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
