You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my liver is dry heaving
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
