Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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