so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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